


A World I Can't Describe

by Twinklefae



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Episode: s01e16 Falling, Gen, Light Angst, Sisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 12:17:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10967067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twinklefae/pseuds/Twinklefae
Summary: Set after the events of Falling: Kara is sad, Alex is angry and somehow they have to get through the night.  Just a little post-episode angst tag.





	A World I Can't Describe

It took a long time to convince the Senator that the red kryptonite was out of Kara's system. Alex had done plenty of tests on Kara before, but never in such strange circumstances.

 

Kara sat on the table, the sun lamps they'd used after she woke extinguished. The Senator had demanded blood tests as proof that Kara was back to herself and the only way to accomplish that was green kryptonite. Alex was kicking herself for not drawing the blood while Kara was still unconscious, but she really hadn't expected Crane to be so insistent.

 

"Look I can bring in some green kryptonite emitters, but after all she's been through today, do you really feel that it's necessary?" At that point Kara had still been weeping softly, out of human earshot in the med bay while Alex faced down the Senator outside it. It felt very strange, not to have Kara dressed as Supergirl beside her. Almost as strange as it had been to see an IV used on her sister. It was one of the few times since Kara had joined their family that someone other than Alex or her mother had treated Kara; she was almost impossible to injure, she never got sick, so the majority of her medical care had been related to research.

 

"Agent Danvers might I remind you that Supergirl went on a reign of terror through National City, threatened human life and is fully capable of much, much worse. I want every test run on her that you can run, and then run a few more. She isn't leaving here until you can assure me 100% that she is safe, and if that's not possible than she can join the green alien in a cell!"

 

"Yes ma'am."

 

So Alex had given the orders to bring in the green kryptonite emitters that they'd last used in Astra's cell. "Kara, I'm only turning these up as high as I have to, just to get a blood sample, okay?"

 

Kara shrugged, staring at the floor. Alex opened her mouth to argue, but looked around at the unfamiliar faces in the DEO, and realized that this wasn't the place to deal with Kara's trauma.

 

She'd taken several vials of blood, and spent the time needed to properly treat them, and isolate the green kryptonite that had weakened Kara enough that Alex could use a needle on her, so that she could prove to the Senator that there was, without a doubt, no red Kryptonite left. She had to call Vasquez in to help her get the blood sample – it simply wasn't something she could do one-handed, and it killed her. Luckily she trusted Vasquez.

 

"Is J'onn going to be okay?" asked Kara quietly.

 

"I don't know," said Alex. She looked back over her shoulder to Senator Crane, who stood on the outside of the med bay and glared. "I won't be done any sooner with you watching over my shoulder Senator," she said, raising her voice.

 

The Senator did not reply.

 

While Alex worked on the samples, she turned the kryptonite off and the sun lamps back on. "There, if we need more we can switch it, but for right now, that should help you feel better." Kara stared at the floor. "You should lay down, it'll give you better exposure."

 

"No, I'm fine."

 

"Kara, you aren't fine. You don't have to be fine. But I'm trying to prove to the Senator that you are fine enough to take home and put to bed, so work with me here, please."

 

Alex's worry for Kara was starting to skyrocket. She'd known from the moment Maxwell Lord told them what happened that this was going to be hard on Kara. But looking at her now, sitting with her head down, hiding in her hair reminded Alex so strongly of Kara when she'd first come to their family.

 

_When the phone rang, Alex didn't even look up. Lots of people called for her parents; her friends tended to use MSN messenger to get a hold of her. She kept messaging with Vicki until she heard her father call "Eliza!"_

 

_Then she heard them start to talk. It sounded a little frantic. She changed her status to Away and snuck around the corner to listen to the conversation that was happening in the kitchen._

 

_"It's such short notice!" said her mother._

 

_"She only just arrived, he only just found her. No one had a lot of notice."_

 

_"Does she speak English?"  
_

 

_"Not a whole lot. But you've heard Clark's Kryptonese; it's not great either. It's why he can't give us more information."_

 

_Clark usually meant Clark Kent. He was also Superman, but Alex knew that she could never ever tell anyone about that. She'd only found that out by spying anyway._

 

_"Well, that explains why he wants to bring her to us."_

 

_"That and the fact that her powers are going to appear within a day or so."_

 

_"How old is she again?"_

 

_"He thinks roughly 13."_

 

_"Oh God, that means that they'll be coming on full strength – you remember he said that his got much more prominent in puberty!"_

 

_Bring her to us? Powers? What were they talking about? Alex tried to inch closer to hear better but accidentally elbowed the wall._

 

_"Alex honey? Can you come in here?" her father called, having obviously heard her._

 

_"What's going on Dad?"_

 

_"That was Superman on the phone. He had something he wanted to ask us, but this affects you too, so you should be a part of this conversation."_

 

_"Okay... what?"_

 

_"Today Superman found a space pod, exactly like the one that brought him here. There was a girl inside. She is his cousin."_

 

_"He had a younger cousin? I thought he was a baby when he came here."_

 

_Her parents exchanged a look, but they had raised her to be a smart, independent thinker so they shouldn't be so surprised when she was able to see through things._

 

_"No," answered her mother, "you're right. He didn't have a younger cousin. He had an older cousin. She was 13 when the planet Krypton exploded. Somehow, and he isn't sure how, her pod got lost on the way here, and it's taken all this time for her to arrive."_

 

_"That's... crazy."_

 

_Her father chuckled. "It is, a little. But he can't have her live with him. For starters he is Superman, and anyone who is known to associate with him is at risk. Secondly, she's going to be manifesting her powers, and he is very worried that being together will put them both at risk."_

 

_"Okay..." Alex drew out. "So?"_

 

_Her mother came and sat next to her. "He's asked us if we'll take her in, and raise her. We speak her language, and there aren't many who do. Plus we are here, with you, in a nice house, away from a busy city."_

 

_"He called you to ask you to adopt an alien kid?" Alex said, getting a little loud. "That's insane. Who does that?"_

 

_Her father sat on the other side of her. "Alex, she's 13 years old, and her whole world is gone. And she remembers it. Her parents are gone, and she misses them. While Superman was on the phone with me I could hear her crying. She is alone, and confused and she needs a family. We would never do this without your approval. But Alex, I want you to take a minute to think about how you would want to be treated in her place."_

 

_Alex closed her eyes for a minute and tried to picture it. Being in a spaceship, leaving the planet because it was going to explode. Not having her friends, her parents, her own things... Alex sniffed before she realized it._

 

_"Exactly," said her father, who'd always had an uncanny ability to read her mind._

 

_"Okay, I guess," said Alex._

 

_Superman arrived the next day. The girl he brought with him didn't look like an alien. But her clothes were made of something Alex had never seen before, and had the same design that was on Superman's suit embroidered into the cloth. Once the adults were finished talking, and her parents had introduced everyone (Alex was able to do it herself, due to a quick crash course in Kryptonese last night and today.) Superman flew away and left the little girl, Kara, behind._

 

_Kara stood on the step and watched him in the sky until she couldn't possibly still be seeing him. Then she sat down, hung her head, and began to cry. Not polite weeping, not one little tear streaking down her cheek, but full on sobs. Alex's mother came out and sat next to her while Alex tried not to watch from inside. It was strange to see her mother trying to hug and comfort someone else. It was stranger still that there was someone who needed it._

 

_Once she finished crying, Eliza stood and went back inside, after having told Kara to come in when she was ready. Eliza then asked Alex to keep a watch on her, and since Alex could easily do so from the computer where she was chatting with her friends and looking at fansites, she had no issue with it. Kara just sat there, head bowed. For the first little while it didn't seem too odd - after all, she had to be feeling strange and alone - but she kept sitting there. And sitting there._

 

_After an hour or so Alex went out to talk to her. "So are you going to come in?"_

 

_Kara didn't move._

 

_Alex tried again in her broken Kryptonese._ _"R_ _urrelahs_ _?" she asked. "House? In?"_

 

_S_ _till no response. Alex shrugged and went in - if the weird girl wanted to sit on the steps, then she could sit on the steps._

 

_"Mom! That girl is sitting on the steps and_ _won't_ _she come in or anything."_

 

_"Her name is Kara, and I think she's a little overwhelmed right now. Have patience with her Alex. This is all very strange for her."_

 

_Alex nodded and headed up to her room to work on her upcoming science paper. Her parents always took it personally when she didn't do well in science._

 

_As it turned out, Kara sat on the steps for the rest of the day, and into the evening. Her father went out every now and then, and spoke to her in her own language, but Kara didn't so much as move._

 

_"You know, Becky's uncle had a dog that did this. It was abandoned and sat on the steps all day waiting for it's owner until it starved to death."_

 

_"Alex! What a horrible thing to say! Kara isn't a dog. She's a devastated girl who needs our understanding and support."_

 

_Alex rolled her eyes. "I was just saying." She felt very uncomfortable having her_ _father_ _scolding her on behalf of this newcomer. Her mother did end up bring a sandwich on a plate with some carrot sticks out to Kara, who ignored them completely._

 

_It was towards the end of the day that Alex was sent out_ _see if she had any luck. She argued against it; Kara's stone walled grief made her feel uncomfortable. "She's your sister as much as our daughter. Maybe she just needs a friend to make her feel at home."_

 

_Alex managed to refrain from rolling her eyes this time. She went out just as the sun was starting to set. The sky was still bright with the summer sunshine and sat next to Kara. She didn't say anything. What was she supposed to say to this girl?_

 

_"Hey, so you should really come inside_ _;_ _you are starting to freak my Mom out and both Mom and Dad are driving me crazy about it, so do us both a favour and come inside?"_

 

_No response._

 

_In the end, Alex just started to talk about her friends and what was going on at school. She was midway through a story about Vicki and Brad, Vicki's current crush, when Kara's head came up._

 

_Alex stopped talking. "So, have I bored you into wanting to come in yet?"_

 

_Kara didn't say anything as she watched the beautiful red sunset. As the sun dipped and the whole sky turned red, her face lit up. "Zehdh!" she said. Alex tried to frantically figure out if she knew that word._

 

_"What?" she said._

 

_"Zehdh! Rurrelahs!" the girl answered. "Home."_

 

_"Oh." Alex again felt about 2 inches high. Of course. Krypton orbited a red sun. This must look like the sky she was used to._

 

_When the sun set, Kara seemed to deflate. Alex put a hand on her arm and steered her into the house. She sat on the couch, and again hid behind her hair. This time though, Alex could make out the faint sounds of Kryptonese mutterings._

 

It had taken a few weeks for Kara to get through a day without going unresponsive that way. Later Alex had figured out that a lot of it was Kara meditating and praying to Rao for her dead planet and people. But a lot of it was shock and in that kind of extreme none of it was healthy. Or anything she'd like to see again. She had to get Kara out of here.

 

It took a while longer for the blood samples to finish, and Alex left Kara with Vasquez while she checked on J'onn. When she came back, the samples were done, and Kara still hadn't moved. Alex called the Senator in and brought up images of Kara's blood on her computer screen.

 

"Okay, so this is the molecular structure of red kryptonite, which was what affected Supergirl today. This," another image "is green kryptonite, you can see the difference here?"

 

She looked up at Senator Crane, since there was no point to this song and dance if the Senator wasn't following her. Luckily the woman nodded.

 

"Okay, so," third image "here is Supergirl's blood at the molecular level. Ignore all that - that's supposed to be there. Here is the green kryptonite that we used to be able to get the blood sample. No evidence however of red kryptonite."

 

"That's just one small sample," began Senator Crane.

 

"I thought you might feel that way, so I did 6 slides. For starters, it's unusual to not see something on the first slide, but since public safety is a priority," Alex was extremely proud that she was able to say that without sarcasm, "I figured we should be very sure."

 

She put up the images of all three samples, and scanned through them with the Senator. "As you can see, plenty of normal blood cells, plenty of green kryptonite damage, no red kryptonite."

 

The Senator stared at the screen for several minutes. Obviously she thought that Alex was glossing over her results. Finally she sighed, "All right Agent Danvers, I believe you. We have enough to deal with right now anyway, with the imposter Hank Henshaw locked up."

 

Alex opened her mouth to respond to the basic idea that Hank was an imposter, but Vasquez managed to catch her eye, using the extremely subtle 'abort mission' hand signal that was exclusive to the DEO. Alex shut her mouth with a snap. Vasquez was right. She couldn't do anything for Hank right now, she had to help her sister.

 

The Senator stormed out, and with permission finally given, Alex moved back to Kara. "Okay, lets get out of here."

 

Kara didn't react.

 

"Kara," Alex hissed, "we need to go. Now."

 

"Should we?" Kara's voice was tiny.

 

"Should we what?"

 

"Go. Maybe I should be in a cell too. After all, I'm not as safe as we thought."

 

Alex took her sister's hand. "Kara, I know that today was awful. I do. I know you are feeling horrible." Alex's voice cracked. "But like I said earlier, you are my sister, and I love you. I will always love you. And I can't handle you being locked up as well as Hank right now, so let's go. Please!"

 

Kara hesitated a moment, and then stood, following Alex out.

 

Once they arrived back at Kara's apartment, Alex was all business. Kara was changed into soft comfy pyjamas, and then Alex ordered pizza and sat them both on the couch with the saddest TV show she could think of.

 

It was later, with Kara curled up under a blanket that Alex brought up what had happened. She had gotten up to make more popcorn and looked back to realized that her sister was staring at the paused episode of "Game of Thrones" like a lost puppy.

 

"How are you holding up?" she asked, starting the popcorn.

 

Kara startled a bit before looking up. It took her a minute to answer. "I'm... I'm fine. It's... it's fine."

 

Alex had never been able to figure out Kara's stutter, which had begun back when she was still learning English and had to think of the words before she could say them.

 

"It's okay if you aren't fine."

 

Kara shook her head. "I just... I can't..." and her eyes welled up with tears. Alex moved to sit beside her and pull her into a hug.

 

"Kara, you went through a lot today. And as horrible as it was, it wasn't your fault."

 

"Yes it was Alex. It was me! It was my hands, my legs, my stupid smile."

 

"Kara..."

 

"Don't Alex, don't excuse this. This is not me getting over excited and breaking something, this is not me using the wrong verb tense. This is people almost dying, this is me... terrorizing people."

 

"Kara, it wasn't you. Not anymore than it was that poor Jane Doe who was Bizarro."

 

"And you put her to sleep!"

 

"Because we couldn't find another way. We found another way for you."

 

"I just... it's..." Alex waited for her to get the words out. "I never asked to have these powers, I never asked to be like this. I wasn't like this, not when I was younger. My mother," Kara's voice broke, "my mother told me that I would do incredible things on this planet." Alex hugged her sister through the sobs that shook her body.

 

"Kara, it's okay to miss them,"

 

Kara shook her head again. "I can't. I can't let that out. I can't let myself feel that way, or I can't keep you safe. And I can't let you get hurt again because of me."

 

"You don't have to always keep me safe."

 

Kara just shook her head. "I do though. From me, if from no one else. And from my, my family. It kills me that you keep getting hurt."

 

Alex sighed. "I'm fine Kara. It will heal."

 

Kara nodded, tears flowing down her face. "I just feel so guilty. They put all this effort into sending me somewhere safe. But as much as I love you and I love my life here..."

 

"It's hard Kara. I know. I know you."

 

"Why did they send me away? Didn't they know what would happen? They didn't even send me away for me – they sent me away for Kal-El." Alex couldn't say anything to that, so she rubbed her sister's back and waited. "And Kal-El is gone. Sometimes it feels like it's only me. And Astra is gone, Alex. And I, I, I, wanted her to be my family again, so badly and I feel so guilty about wanting her, because she was a criminal and she wanted to destroy humanity and..."

 

Kara sobbed, and Alex rocked her little sister in her arms.

 

"You listen to me, Kara Zor-El Danvers, you are a good person. You are an excellent person. You been through so much. It's okay that sometimes you can't smile. It's okay, I swear."

 

They sat there for a long time, until Kara was able to get her crying under control. She wiped her face with a pizza napkin and went to turn the show back on.

 

"Hang on," Alex said, grabbing her hand. "We are still talking. You can't hold this all inside Kara."

 

Kara looked miserably into her lap. "I don't want to talk about it."

 

"Of course you don't, but you need to." Kara glared at her, but she glared right back. "Just, what did you mean about Kal-El?" Only Kara still called him that, but Alex knew that it was important to her.

 

Kara rolled her eyes. "He's not gone. Obviously. But... Kal-El" this time with that slight Krytonian accent that Alex couldn't duplicate, "is gone. My baby cousin that I was supposed to raise and teach the ways of Krypton. He's gone. And in his place is someone who thinks he understands me."

 

"What doesn't he understand?"

 

"He's... he's human Alex, _uwe_. He grew up on a farm, he was never afraid of kitchen appliances or animals. His powers came gradually, and he doesn't remember a time when he didn't have them. I went from being a perfectly average 13 year old to waking up on Earth able to rip a bedroom door off it's hinges. " She sniffed. "He doesn't speak Kryptonese. You speak the language better than he does because he doesn't care to. He doesn't know our rituals, he doesn't know Rao. He doesn't remember. All his sadness is for what he didn't have. But it wasn't something that he lost. I lost it."

 

"I know," said Alex soothingly, "I know."

 

Kara's eyes welled up again, "I know you know. And that's the worst part. Kal-El could have known so much of this – but instead he brought me to you. And I will never regret anything that had to happen so that we became sisters, that we became family. But it put space between me and Kal-El and Astra wanted in that space, and it's so so hard to know that she is gone too." She broke into sobs again.

 

"Okay. So, you feel like if Superman was less Clark and more Kal-El that you wouldn't have felt so strongly about Astra."

 

Kara nodded.

 

"I'm so sorry Kara. I will never stop being sorry for Astra. But the rest, have you ever considered telling him any of this?"

 

"How could I Alex? He's happy!"

 

"His happiness isn't more important than yours."

 

"No, but, me telling him any of this isn't going to make me happy, it's just going to make him miserable with me."

 

Alex didn't respond for a minute. To her mind, it was about time that Clark Kent experienced some of Kara's misery. To her, it seemed like he'd gotten off scot-free. "Kara, sometimes sharing a burden does make people happier. Besides, it's his heritage that he's missing out on. I know that you have taken the time to teach him some of the language-"

 

"Not that he's any good at it," sniffed Kara.

 

"No, but you've tried, and I know that he said he likes it when you tell him about Krypton, so maybe let him know that you are feeling alone. Let him know that you need to share this with him. Make it a vacation together. You could finally go to his ice castle thing."

 

That, finally, got a smile out of Kara. "The Fortress of Solitude."

 

"You heard me."

 

"I'm going to tell him you said that."

 

"What?"

 

Kara responded by throwing popcorn in her face, which effectively ended the heavy conversation.

Alex knew that it wasn't the end of the issue though, and kept asking for one more episode of "Game of Thrones" until it was late enough that she had the excuse to stay over. So both Danvers girls snuggled down in Kara's bed, and very quickly fell asleep.

 

It was in the wee hours of the night that Alex woke up. At first she thought it was just that her arm hurt; it did, though she'd never tell Kara that. Then she realized that Kara was moving in her sleep, and mumbling under her breath in Kryptonese.

 

Alex quickly got out of the bed. Sadly, Kara having nightmares was something she was incredibly familiar with. After Kara had arrived she'd spent the better part of the first year she was at their house having nightmares, and since Alex shared a room with her, she'd gotten used to the best ways to wake Kara. And she knew that Kara couldn't handle accidentally hurting her tonight, so the first thing she did was put some space between them.

 

" _No, mother, no. Please don't send me away."_

 

"Kara, Kara, honey, wake up. It's okay, you're safe."

 

_"It's dark here, I hate it. Please. Please don't leave me alone."_

 

Alex shuddered. It was bad. Kara loved that she'd been interested in learning Kryptonese as a teen, calling it their secret code. To be honest though, it helped her deal with Kara's night terrors far better as well, and she'd developed a personal rating system based on what Kara was dreaming about. When Kara started dreaming about the lost time in the Phantom Zone, Alex worried.

 

"Kara, Kara, please wake up." Alex reached forward to rub Kara's foot, ready the jump back if Kara kicked.

 

_"So cold, so cold. Black, I hate the black."_

 

Alex took a deep breath. "Kara, I need you to wake up." She stepped back, and only just fast enough.

 

Kara bolted up out of sleep, tears still streaming down her face. " _Rrov!_ "

 

"It's me, Kara. You're safe." Alex crawled back into the bed as Kara began to cry again.

 

"Oh Alex, it was so horrible."

 

"What was so horrible?"

 

"Just the black and me for so long. So cold. I hate it."

 

"I know, I know."

 

"I was all alone," Kara wept. Alex's heart broke for her, and she cursed the stupid sling that kept her from hugging her sister as tightly as she wanted.

 

"I know, but you aren't now. Right? You are here with me."

 

Kara nodded but didn't reply. They stayed like that, hugging, until Alex was almost asleep sitting up. "Alex?"

 

"Mmhmm?"

 

"You know that being your sister is the best part of my life?"

 

"I love you too, Kara."

 

"I love you, but I don't know what I would do without you. I don't know how to be any of me - Kara Danvers, Supergirl, Kara Zor-El, I can't do any of it without you."

 

"You are an amazing person Kara."

 

"You are the only one who really knows me," Kara sniffed. That stopped whatever protest Alex had been about to make. She'd never considered it before. She knew that Kara struggled with the amount of secrecy her life contained (which was why so many people knew who Supergirl was) but she'd never really considered that even with the people who were closest to Kara - James, Winn, J'onn - they never really saw the part of her that was an alien refugee. Supergirl was not Kara's biggest secret. Her pain at losing her family, her world? Kara Zor-El was her sister's biggest secret.

 

"I'm honoured," she said at last.

 

"I just wanted you to know," her sister answered before yawning. "Tomorrow is going to be awful, I have to go and apologize to so many people."

 

"I know, but just be honest and it'll be all right."

 

"Thanks Alex."

 

"Go to sleep Kara."

 

"Night John boy."

 

"Kara!!"

 

"Night Alex."

 

End

 

**Author's Note:**

> First of all: Kryptonese vs. Kryptonian - I'm not a huge comic reader, but I did a little research and realize that typically it's called Krytonian these days but when Alex hands Kara the AI projector of her mother she says that it's "Kryptonese writing". So that's what I went with.
> 
> The words I've used are, in order, 
> 
> Rurrelahs: House  
> Zehdh: Home  
> Uwe: Other (Further episodes have revealed Kryton to have been xenophobic enough to use a term like this.)  
> Rrov: What meaning a person
> 
> All are sourced from http://kryptonian.info/doyle/dictionary.html
> 
> I am not a scientist, nor do I play one on TV. All the science in this is completely made up. 
> 
> MSN Messenger was the Facebook messenger of the early 2000s. Given her marks and the pressure to succeed in school, I kind of doubted that Alex was too cool for a computer in her teens.
> 
> "Night John Boy" is a reference to the television show "The Waltons" which originally ran in the 70s and was in syndication throughout the 90s and early 2000s.
> 
> Any story I've ever written has just been me playing with head canon and this is no different. 
> 
> The title is from a song called "Falling" by Bruce Guthro, which has A) been stuck in my head since I started writing this and B) the line fit the story well.


End file.
